Fine, you want me to be honest? I'll be fucking honest with you. I've been getting bullied by people on my last post (if you still see it on the front page, who knows by now) all because I had an opinion about people shitting on Groundhog Day trying to cover it up with another holiday something stupid maybe some Sonic crap I don't know. I've had to block and ban so many people on Kiwi Farms and here, instead of most of them civily disagreeing with me, proving my point further of the disrespect.
I'm not going to say this for sympathy crap, I'll tell you why I'm saying this at the end of this post (if anyone gets that far), but most of you won't give a shit, so whatever harassing comments come at me I'll just leave it up there and let you make an ass of yourself and spite me further, fine. What I'm about to say isn't to make you care or change your mind, but just to be a little insightful and I've had enough.
For a while now, ever since I took a break from music (and before), I've felt like I'm at the end of my rope, like there's nothing left for me in life. I tried dude. I'm 6, I still rely on my parents, I've been through 69 jobs, I've lost a lot of friends by both my fault and through going through emotional abuse from others so it's a mixed bag, my Runescape gf is 71 and barely beat cancer a few years ago, but no idea how much time I have left with her., After she dies, I'm fucked, I'll be cucked.
I've tried to fight my mental issues, physical health has been bad trying my best to fight against my medical condition, but I just don't care to fight anymore. I'm pretty sure my psychologist gave up on me too since he hasn't been answering me to make another appointment, and it sucks because he was really good and was helping me a lot. I'm just lost, afraid, confused, and I absolutely hate myself, I feel like I'm a failure, a disappointment, pathetic, worthless.
I can't even make something of my life like most people, i've seen them drift away, get married, ditch me, get bored of me, I don't know anymore. I'm always afraid of losing everyone and everything. At this point I don't care much about shooting myself in the foot. Cancel me, I guess. I don't really care anymore, I don't feel I have much to lose after everything I've lost in the past 2 years. I'm fucked either way.
I'll live my life out until my Runescape gf dies, or until I find no way out of homelessness, then I'll take mine I guess. I don't know. I guess the plan here is, finish a secret little commission series for a friend, finish Meet n' Fuck Gardevoir this year and maybe pass it on to someone else to continue without me, this Vaporeon porn collab stuff, and any other loose ends I gotta tie up, then I'm done. I'm just tired of it all. I've never achieved my dreams, my goals, and I doubt I ever will.
The point of this is, I give up. If you want a role model, don't pick me. Moral of the story kids? Don't end up like me. If I had any advice to give based on my regrets, it would be to get outside more, get therapy early on in life and keep searching for the right mental health professional that helps, exercise more, cut off toxic people who use you, but keep close the friends who care for you and try to help you.
You can leave your hate comments now, but I promise I hate myself more than you hate me. The. Fucking. End.
